Waffles vs. Spaghetti – Connecting Through Stories

Storytelling is the most powerful way to engage someone neurologically to open the way for new thinking. When we communicate information, we activate two small language processing centers. The recipient comprehends information but doesn’t interact with it or set it to memory. When you tell a story, you engage the entire brain through the senses, creating neurological stimulation as though they are experiencing the story first-hand. (This is why you can sit motionless in a movie theater with your heart racing during an action movie.) This neural coupling, or mirror imaging between the storyteller and audience’s brain creates an artificial reality experience. Descriptions like “His hands were rough like sandpaper,” activate senses and emotions. Memory is stored with the emotions and easier to remember. A story neurologically changes a person and helps them see something they can no longer unsee.

Storytelling is also a great way to build trust. Stories create empathy in the recipient through the act of sharing something new and unexpected (even when not personal). That empathy increases trust in the recipient and releases oxytocin. This is why team offsites (including virtual ones) are so powerful. Instead of running through normal agenda items, there is space for sharing stories that build empathy and trust in one another.

Q. Why do leaders shy away from telling stories?

Many leaders avoid telling stories because they feel they need to communicate with something “hard” like data, and that stories are “too soft.” However, we know that data doesn’t change behavior, emotions do. If data alone could change behavior, we would all drink eight glasses of water, sleep eight hours, floss daily and exercise 30 minutes each day. We make decisions through our emotions and past experiences. Storytelling is the best way to help filter the 34Gb of information we process daily into a shared understanding. Stories help bring meaning to the data to ensure people arrive at the same takeaway, and they work to create a connection regardless of gender, generation or geography.

Q. How can leaders get started crafting and telling stories?

First, consider your audience. Storytelling is about the recipient, and not the person telling the story. When telling a story, start by understanding the mindset of your audience. What is their current understanding and perception of the topic? Are they enthusiastic, resistant or skeptical? Are they optimistic, worried, or neutral? This will influence your angle and approach. A story is a journey to build new thinking. You can’t start people on that journey without imagining your audience’s starting point. When you present information in an unexpected way, you help the person begin to see something differently.

Next, look for stories all around you. You don’t need to limit yourself to your personal experiences. You can share stories of others, whether you’ve observed them firsthand, read about them or heard about them elsewhere. (Of course, if you present your story as factual, make sure your sources are reputable!) You can leverage videos, photos or articles to tell the story, in whole or in part. You can use metaphors, analogies or some combination to create meaning. The goal is to find something that sparks an idea that can light up the brain of your audience. That said, the most powerful stories, and the ones that elicit the strongest responses, tend to be based on your experiences. When you make yourself vulnerable by sharing something from your own experiences, you will see a dramatic difference in the empathic response.

Build a story repository. Keep a list of story ideas, whether in a notebook, on your phone, a scrap of paper, or by recording your ideas to listen to later. Think about how your own experiences taught you something that others can learn from. Consider how what you observed can be an analogy that you can use to make a memorable point later on. If you build a list and keep adding to it, you’ll have no shortage of story ideas you can draw on and embellish when you need one. Set aside at least five minutes each day to jot down story ideas, even if it’s just a few words that will jog your memory later on.