We were halfway through a two-day project kick-off meeting for a global IT team about to roll out a new mail and messaging system for the company’s 100K+ employees around the world.
The execution had to be flawless. The pressure on this team was intense.
Huddled around the conference room table were a dozen core project team members and Doug, the project manager. The first day went smoothly, with team members ironing out the scope, timing and deliverables, and important operating norms.
With the hardest work behind us, I expected the second day to be a breeze. I could not have been more wrong! I started the day with a helicopter-building activity designed to simulate how unspoken assumptions can trip up a global team working across multiple time zones. The “manufacturing” team was assigned to build a helicopter based solely on the verbal directions of the “design” team. What they didn’t know is that each team had a slightly different set of directions, meant to replicate the kind of conflict that ensues when team members not aligned.
We had reached the point in the exercise where we usually hear awkward laughter. Instead, we heard expletive-laced shouting from the most senior technical lead, Oliver, calling his own teammates “dumb” and “useless.” Doug and I exchanged worried glances, given that Oliver was flying to Australia that night to officially launch the project. Oliver cooled off long enough to participate in a spirited debrief, but it turns out he wasn’t done.
After a quick break, I passed out personalized DiSC reports to each participant, explaining that these behavioral profiles, when shared, can help team members communicate effectively, especially during stressful situations. “This is bull$%#%^t!” Oliver angrily slammed his fist on the conference room table hard enough to topple his cup of cold coffee. “Where’s the science behind this? My profile is way off base.”
By now, I felt that whatever credibility I had with this team slowly slipping away. I wish I could tell you that I coolly explained how DiSC reports are generated, or that I was able to deftly smooth Oliver’s ruffled feathers diplomatically yet assertively. But in reality, I became defensive, engaging in a no-win debate for far too long, undoubtedly making others feel awkward. Luckily, my co-facilitator rose to the occasion, using light humor to defuse the tension and get us back on track before calling a break.
Fast-forward to the end of this workshop: After observing Oliver’s behavior in a relatively safe environment, Doug felt it was too risky to allow Oliver to lead this visible and stressful project and assigned another team member to take his place.
I have had close to 30 years to ruminate on what I saw as an epic facilitation fail, despite the project manager’s enthusiastic praises. I learned the hard way that despite our best-laid plans, we can’t always predict all of the ways a meeting might go sideways. But there are some fundamental principles and practices I stand ready to use as soon as I sense potential trouble ahead.
If I could press the re-do button for this project team kick-off, here’s what I might have done differently:
- Ask my client up front how they’d like me to handle dysfunctional team dynamics that may arise during the meeting, if at all. For example, is it okay to name the behavior or issue during the meeting, should I call a break and talk to the person privately, huddle with my client off to the side, or ignore it altogether? Being clear on my role in advance gives me more agency to determine how best to handle the errant behavior in the moment.
- Discover whether there’s anything I should know about the participants’ behavior or other tendencies that may affect the meeting dynamics. For example, do some people typically interrupt, pontificate, argue, hold back, digress, pull rank, etc.? Who holds the power in this group, whether real or imagined? The benefits of this kind of advance information outweighs the conformation bias that I may come in with as a result.
- Acknowledge the other person’s opinions, rather than delegitimizing them for expediency’s sake. In the case of the DiSC report, I might have said something like: “Oliver, you’re asking how the test you took led to your profile. Is this right? Others might have this same question, so I’ll give a quick review of how it works, and we can spend more time on this later, or you can find out more by reading the summary at the start of the report. Sound okay?”
- Demonstrate compassion, then pivot. For example, when Oliver erupted during the team activity I might have said: “Oliver, it sounds like this activity may be frustrating for you. I can understand why, since you were unaware that I gave each team different rules. Let me ask you Oliver, or anyone on the team, what you might do if this kind of conflict happens when team members are 12 hours apart? How might you resolve your differences then?”
- Resist the temptation to take the discussion offline. Otherwise, other participants miss an opportunity to provide their input and more important, they won’t know how (or if) the situation was resolved or what they can expect to happen after the break. It takes courage to dive headfirst into the conflict instead of dismissing it or ignoring it. It’s taken me a lot of practice to be comfortable with the kind of assertive, diplomatic intervention that can help release tension and cut through conflict.
- Remember that neutrality as a facilitator doesn’t mean I can’t and should not be assertive when it comes to addressing dysfunctional or problematic behavior. My role as a facilitator is to create a safe space where everyone can contribute openly and safely. I may not be popular with the person whose behavior I am naming, but if I fail to take action, I have violated the trust of everyone else in the room.
Of all the facilitation skills that my clients say their teams most need it’s this: How to think on your feet when you’re thrown a curveball. That’s just one of the skills participants will have a chance to learn and practice in my new Facilitation Skills Learning Community of Practice. While these “surprises” can take many forms, the skills required to deflect and defuse them can be applied with all kinds of people in different kinds of meetings in a variety of situations. It takes time and practice to develop confidence and competence in applying these skills, but once you do, they’ll last a lifetime.
Links
Downloadable resources from Guided Insights:
- New! Facilitation Skills Learning Community of Practice program offering – brochure describing what’s included, who it’s best for, and the role that both peers and managers play in making it easier to cultivate and practice new skills
- Facilitation Skills Self-Scoring Assessment to determine where the focus is most needed when it comes to improving meeting design and facilitation skills
- Tips for managing difficult meeting dynamics – an tip sheet excerpted from my facilitation skills training workshops
- One of my favorite facilitated team activities – Juxtaportrait, a fun, energizing activity designed for intact teams that reveals a surprising depth of information within a relatively short time
- Example of an actual virtual meeting agenda I created for an expansive virtual meeting soliciting input about medical care for a rare disease from more than 100 medical providers, patients and caregivers.
Articles from Guided Insights:
- Overcome the Worst Facilitation Fears of Introverts (and Everyone Else)
- 10 Tips for Overcoming Facilitation Fears
- How Great Facilitation Leads to Better Decisions, More Revenue and Less Waste
- Timeless Tips for Designing and Facilitating Engaging Virtual (or Hybrid) Meetings
- Create a Sense of Community with Questions That Connect
